Fight Club without Brad Pitt

If you haven’t seen Fight Club yet, you’re doing yourself a disservice. It’s an incredible movie. Okay, after having saying that I don’t care about spoiling it for you weirdos who have not yet seen it. At the end, it turns out that Brad Pitt is just a alternate personality that is created by Edward Norton’s psyche. Edward suffers from dissociative identity disorder (DID), coupled with insomnia and paranoid schizophrenia. It’s crazy. So it turns out all the scenes with Brad Pitt don’t include Brad Pitt at all; it’s just Edward Norton talking to himself. Told you it was crazy.

What happens in this video is some clever fan decided to redo one of the pivotal scenes from the movie talking out the alternate personality/delusion of Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). It’s cool, it’s short, and it’s kewl.

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Bench Profiles: The Golden State Warriors’ Ognjen Kuzmic

Ognjen Kuzmic

As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However,  only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

Another international player!

Say hello to Ognjen Kuzmic (pronounced “Og-nen Kooz-mitch”)! Or try to best to even say the name.

Well, there isn’t that much information that I can find on him; so this will probably be a short post. He’s of Bosnian descent, born in Doboj in northern Bosnia. Fun fact about Doboj is that it is the largest national railway junction in all of Bosnia. Crazy, right? Bet you know the name now, right?

Ognjen played six years professionally in Europe, before coming to the NBA. He played in Spain, Finland, and obviously, Bosnia. Man, I wish I had the chance to play professional basketball in Europe. Imagine all the fly hunnies he must have gotten in Spain, Finland, and Bosnia! Especially being a 7’0″ professional athlete! Man, the life of these guys. In his last year in Europe, while playing in Spain, he averaged 6.9 PPG and 5.5 RPG. Not great, but it helped him get into the NBA. So yeah, there’s that.

He was drafted in the second round, 52nd overall, by the Golden State Warriors in 2012. He spent a year over in Spain before coming to the Warriors in 2013–where he averaged those modest numbers mentioned above. He’s stated to make $1.2 million over this season and next. Must be nice. His NBA career has started slowly. In 13 NBA games this season, he has averages of 0.6 PPG, 0.8 RPG, and 0.3 BPG–blistering. His less than stellar play has led him to being sent down to the D-League’s Santa Cruz Warriors, where he is averaging 8.5 PPG, 12.5 RPG, and 0.5 BPG–not bad but it was only two games.

So now that we know not very much about his basketball career, let’s see if social media can shed some light on Ognjen.

Hmm, lemme just scan the internet. Nope. He does not have Twitter or Instagram–or if so, I can’t find them. I have posted the references to him from Twitter though.

 Sweet! On the first day of the season, he threw down his first dunk! AMAZING FUTURE AHEAD!

Ah, crap. Oh well, he’s back now, and playing modestly well in the D-League.

That’s everything I could find on Ognjen Kuzmic. Compared to 99.99% of the population, you’re now an expert on him. Time to impress your friends with the information! Come back next week when I cover the 15th man of the Houston Rockets!

Post Script: Here is Ognjen’s highlight package, set to Niggas in Paris of course.

Science Saturdays: Dogs make your fetus strong like bull

Okay, maybe not “strong like bull”, but kind of strong. I’ve always loved dogs. They’re the best, best, best. But above being adorable and a great companion, they also help to keep your place just dirty enough. We’re living in a world that’s too clean, with parents who are too protective. As a result, the instances of less-dangerous–but longer lasting–immune dysfunctions have increased. Having a dog at home causes just the right amount of bacteria to strengthen the immune system to combat lower-level immune sickness.

That’s science, dog.

The genius behind (half of) The Chappelle Show

Grantland is great and so is Neal Brennan. My high school years were filled with references to the Chappelle Show. Whether it was getting a paycheque and yelling out “I’m rich, bitch!” or saying in a Dylan voice “It’s crazy“, the Chappelle Show was the reference of choice. My buddies and I would get together in basements and watch the complete second season on DVD (remember those?). It was the best of times. I remember being crushed when word hit that Dave left the show, fleeing to Africa. After seeing the “Pixie” sketch that made him leave, I could understand; you can’t go against your own integrity.

It wasn’t for a while that I realized who Neal Brennan was. Upon further research, I realized that Chappelle Show was half his baby; I can’t imagine how crushed he was when Dave left. In recent years, I started looking out for him more–and even saw in live in Toronto. He was incredible. The race jokes were off the charts. Despite what he says, he’s quite the genius.

Sports drink or body wash

Body washes have gotten more and more ridiculous. Take for example, the ads for Axe body wash and Old Spice body wash. They have names like Apollo, Phoenix Revitalizing, Redzone, and Champion. Those have absolutely nothing to do with cleaning your body. However, the ads show how washing yourself with something call “Phoenix Revitalizing” can lead to a hoard of women wanting your penis–or vagina, if you use it too, ladies. In my opinion, “Phoenix Revitalizing” sounds messy and burnt; and the corresponding smells for “messy” and “burnt” don’t seem to attract women–but that’s just my opinion.

Then there are sports drinks. Powerade and Gatorade have made a billions thinking of ridiculous names to market their coloured water (btw, blue is usually the best flavour). These companies throw out drinks with names like Mountain Blast, Gold Rush, Rain, and Shine On. To me, “Mountain Blast” and “Gold Rush” sound like they contain the natural sweat drippings of miners. I’ve never drank the sweat of gold miners–maybe they provide that extra boost to make a shot in the fourth quarter (most likely)–but it doesn’t seem appealing to me.

College Humour has done a nice little video comparing the ridiculousness of the names of body washes and energy drinks. They did a good job. So I posted about it. That’s how blogging works.

Parody time: Breaking Bad as a romantic comedy

If you follow this blog at all, you know how much I love me a good parody–or well, a well done series of cuts to make something it is not. Also, parodies are always fun.

So here is the most talked about show of 2013, Breaking Bad, redone as a trailer for a tacky romantic comedy. Judd Apatow just saw this and can’t wait to make it thirty minutes longer than it needs to be. After watching the show, it still seems a bit too dark, but I’m sure Mr Apatow can find a role for Seth Rogan to make it more light-hearted (maybe a whacky half brother!?)

Anyway, have a great Wednesday, y’all. I love you for following my writing.