Bonus Post: MORE NFL lip reading

If you didn’t see the first part, you’re missing out. Bad Lip Reading is a comedy group that uses the many NFL closeups throughout Sundays to make fun of the exaggerated motions the players and coaches make while playing football. Ah, it’s so good. Enjoy!

Post Script:

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Sports drink or body wash

Body washes have gotten more and more ridiculous. Take for example, the ads for Axe body wash and Old Spice body wash. They have names like Apollo, Phoenix Revitalizing, Redzone, and Champion. Those have absolutely nothing to do with cleaning your body. However, the ads show how washing yourself with something call “Phoenix Revitalizing” can lead to a hoard of women wanting your penis–or vagina, if you use it too, ladies. In my opinion, “Phoenix Revitalizing” sounds messy and burnt; and the corresponding smells for “messy” and “burnt” don’t seem to attract women–but that’s just my opinion.

Then there are sports drinks. Powerade and Gatorade have made a billions thinking of ridiculous names to market their coloured water (btw, blue is usually the best flavour). These companies throw out drinks with names like Mountain Blast, Gold Rush, Rain, and Shine On. To me, “Mountain Blast” and “Gold Rush” sound like they contain the natural sweat drippings of miners. I’ve never drank the sweat of gold miners–maybe they provide that extra boost to make a shot in the fourth quarter (most likely)–but it doesn’t seem appealing to me.

College Humour has done a nice little video comparing the ridiculousness of the names of body washes and energy drinks. They did a good job. So I posted about it. That’s how blogging works.

Bench Profiles: The Detroit Pistons’ Tony Mitchell

Tony_Mitchell

As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However,  only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

Say hello to the athletic beast that is Tony Mitchell!

Tony’s basketball story is filled with many unfortunate twists and turns, so please try to keep dry eyes. As a 6’9″ player, with a 7’3″ wingspan, Tony has been touted as an NBA prospect for quite some time. During his freshman and sophomore years in high school, he dominated the competition. So much so that an AAU coach–probably in an attempt to leech off of his skills–convinced him to transfer to a prep school in Miami, from Texas (where he grew up). After playing his junior year there, it was discovered that the school was not an “accredited prep school”, and thus most of his course work done there would not be recognized by the NCAA.

So he quickly transferred back to Texas to play his senior year, and tried to do more courses than allowed to catch up. He failed in this vein, losing his scholarship offer to the Missouri Tigers. He also spent another semester in high school, before going to the mid-major Division I school, University of North Texas. But his senior year in high school wasn’t all bad. He beat out Perry Jones III, current NBA player for the Oklahoma City Thunder, for the 2010 Dallas Morning News Player of the Year for 2010, after averaging 20.5 PPG, 13.2 RPG, 4.4 APG, and 4.1 BPG.

Upon getting to the University of North Texas, he had to forfeit his true freshman year due to eligibility issues. So he started playing in the 2011-2012 season. He was a heck of freshman! He averaged 14.7 PPG and 10.3 RPG. To put that in perspective, Anthony Davis (current amazing NBA player and future superstar) was the only freshman in the country to average more rebounds than him–and only by a tenth of a board (10.4 RPG). CBS Sports took notice of his play and named Tony one of the “top 10 freshmen of the country”.

He was projected to be a first round pick in the 2012 NBA Draft but elected to stay for a sophomore year, citing that he “still needed to mature on and off the court”. Although very admirable, this was his second mistake of his basketball career. Before the start of the season, he was being penciled in as an All-American, and a “near guarantee” to win the Sun Belt Player of the Year. However, the main concern for players returning for their sophomore years–that their flaws will be exposed–happened to Tony. His stats took a dip (13 PPG and 8.5 PRG), his team faltered to a 12-20 record, and his leadership was being called into question.

Without a postseason in the cards, Tony decided to forgo his junior and senior years and declare for the 2013 NBA Draft. He was drafted in the second round (land of non-guaranteed contracts) by the Detroit Pistons, with the 37th pick. Thankfully, he was signed by the Pistons, and was voted “most athletic” by his rookie peers–by a whopping 47.2% of the rookies! His professional career has come by a bit slowly, only having played in 10 games this season. He has averages of 1.1 PPG, 1.1 RPG, and 0.2 BPG in only 3:41 minutes per game. But he has been recently called up by Pistons from the D-League, so there are bound to be brighter days ahead!

So now that we know the basketball side of Tony, what about the social media side of him?

Well, we know that he’s getting along with his Pistons teammates, and is even making Andre Drummond sweat a bit about his reputation as most explosive player (on the court, not in the bathroom–at least I hope so).

Several months later, the showdown occurred and what was proven was no surprise to Mr. Drummond.

So Andre Drummond starts on the team, is more athletic, and is (probably) an All Star this season. Tough luck, rook!

Well, that’s everything about Tony Mitchell! You can practically write a biography on him if your crazy English teacher asked you to. Come back next week when I profile the 15th man of the Golden State Warriors!

Post Script: Here’s Tony being a super athletic prospect.

So athletic.

Shaqtin a Fool: The J.R. Smith edition

If you didn’t already know about it, Shaq has a weekly segment on Inside the NBA where he shows clips of the best blunders of the week. No one has been a biggest blunder in life than J.R. Smith. He was fined $50 000 for “recurring instances of unsportsmanlike conduct“. That is, he was fined more than I’ll make in a year (several years, for that matter) simply for being a knucklehead and untying opponents’ shoes at the free throw line. He does this so the player looks down, and not up, in the case of a rebound. He also does it because he’s a moron. I was talking to an NBA player yesterday (true story) and he hinted that J.R. Smith could be the dumbest person in the NBA. I don’t doubt that.

Yahoo’s Wojnarowski wrote an article yesterday about J.R. Smith (click here). The article reminded me that he went to China to play for the Chinese Basketball Association during the NBA lockout. Being the biggest star to go, he was offered the biggest CBA contract ever: $3 million dollars. But he was a complete asshole; I apologize for the language, but that’s really the only word for him. Here are a couple snippets from the article.

Perhaps his greatest excess of idiocy had been a weekend of running a room service bill into the proximity of $3,000, a source with direct knowledge told Yahoo Sports. He kept ordering food, stacking piles of trays upon trays – “just to see if they would keep bringing it to the room,” the source said.

That’s right: he would pile trays of ordered food for the sake of being an asshole–also he wasn’t paying for, the team was. So he had nothing to lose. I’ve been to China (brag), and I’ve seen the wealth discrepancy. There are mothers and fathers who use their baby children to help them beg for money. There are homeless with visible tumours growing from their bodies begging for enough money to eat a single meal. And here J.R. Smith is making an obscene amount of money, wasting it all away.

But I’m sure he was at least committed to his job and worked his butt off for the team, right?

From unreasonable demands on the kind of car needed to curry him around the city, to skipping practices for shopping excursions in neighboring cities, to a relentless pattern of insubordination, Smith’s bad act had never been worse.

Wrong. He was fined $1 million dollars because he was such a knucklehead. That’s a third of his entire contract! And he went to China just to make money! He blew 33.33% of his contract simply by being a nincompoop!

Ugh, in the final paragraph, Woj puts him and Knicks in their place.

Someday, Smith will make that call to room service – insisting upon more of everything – and there will be no one to answer. J.R. Smith is 28-years old, and it is too late to threaten and punish a spoiled, suburban kid. No trade, no epiphanies, no changes. The Knicks deserve J.R. Smith, and he’ll belong to them until the bitter end.

What a tragic tale of talent being wasted on an idiot, and a sports club willing to enable him.

Whatever TGIF, am I right!?

Bench Profiles: The Denver Nuggets’ Quincy Miller

2012 NBA Rookie Photo Shoot

As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However,  only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

I remember tracking this guy’s high school and college career! As a Raptors fan, it is commonplace to look forward to the draft–to invest the hopes and dreams of a modest fanbase in the unproven hands of a high schooler. The 2011-2012 year for the Raptors was expected to be a rough one. Andrea Bargnani was our captain; that’s right, we entrusted with him a leadership role. Seriously, this guy was the face of the franchise. So it wasn’t unusual to be looking ahead.

The 2012 NBA draft was supposed to be pretty solid. Before the college season, the same names continued to show up near the top of all the mock drafts: Anthony Davis, Andre Drummond, Austin Rivers, and Quincy Miller. Throughout his high school career, Quincy had a special combination of size, athleticism, and skill. He was 6’10”, could jump out of the gym, and could handle the ball and shoot. He was regularly being compared to Kevin Durant, for what it’s worth.

He showed out for Team USA’s Under-18 team and his name blew up. He was ranked top five in every mock draft, unrealistic NBA comparisons were being made, and SLAM Magazine named him a first-team All-American (along with Kidd-Gilchrist, Rivers, Bradley Beal, Davis, and Marquis Teague). However, early in his senior year he tore his ACL, ending his senior year, and high school career.

He committed to Baylor University, and along with Deuce BelloPerry Jones III, and Quincy Acy, were expected to be a powerhouse team–and they were.  During the preseason, Miller was included in Dime Magazine’s Top-25 Watch list. They were ready to make some noise. They helped lead the Baylor Bears to a 30-8 record for the season, good enough for the 9th ranking in the nation, and a 3rd seed in the Tournament. In the Tournament they lost in the regional finals to the eventual champions, Kentucky Wildcats. No shame in that.

Quincy averaged 10.6 PPG and 4.9 RPG–modest numbers, but his impact was good enough to earn him the distinction of Big 12 Co-Freshman of the Year. He was solid in his freshman year, but not spectacular by any means. It seemed like his ACL rehabilitation was not yet completed, as he did not have the same athleticism that garnered him so much attention in his high school days. He was expected to go back to school, for at least a sophomore year, but at the last second declared for the draft.

This was a huge gamble. Although many mock-drafts had him somewhere late in the first round, he fell to the second round–the land of non-guaranteed contracts. He was drafted to the wing-heavy Denver Nuggets with the 38th pick of the 2012 NBA Draft. Although he was signed to a contract, the gamble has yet to pay off as he is currently warming the very deep bench of an under-achieving Denver team. He has only played in 8 games this season (as of writing this) and has season averages of 3.4 PPG, 1.4 RPG, and o.1 BPG in 6 MPG.

Had he not suffered the ACL tear in his senior year, who knows where he could have been? Ugh, I hate knee injuries.

What does social media tell us about Quincy?

Well after signing his three contract, he’s pretty solid at cherishing expensive items and keeping things of value.

Oh wait. Well at least he’s not partying it all away!

Oh wait. Well, I mean, he’s only 21 years old! What do you expect him to spend his money on? Lotion? HAH!

Oh, maybe he should.

Well anyway, that was most extensive bench profile thus far. I didn’t even talk about how he came from a rough area in Chicago and moved to North Carolina to be safe while pursuing his dream. Oh, I guess I just did. Well, now that’s everything you need to know about the Denver Nuggets’ Quincy Miller. Come back next week when I talk about the Detroit Pistons’ 15th man.

Have a great week, y’all!

Post Script: Here is him in high school, with aforementioned athleticism.

It was so easy! LOL at how arrogant he was, and his subsequent fall from grace.

Bonus Post: Nick Young does his best Kobe schtick

I still can’t get over the fact that Nick Young (above), JaVale McGee (here), and Andray Blatche (here) were all on the same team at one time. That’s a blogger’s dream. Makes finding stories easy. Also, they had a gun incident in that same locker room. Then, there was the poop prank. Man, it was gift that kept giving.

Just because they’re not together doesn’t mean they stopped being amazing. As the media tried to get a couple minutes with Kobe, Nick Young saw the opportunity to sit in the Mamba’s locker and do his best (awful) impression of a conceited jerk who doubles as a famous basketball player.

Bench Profiles: The Dallas Mavericks’ Ricky Ledo

rickyledo

As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However,  only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

Say hello to the basketball nomad: RICKY LEDO!

Ricky is a bit of a baskteballer without a home. In high school, which usually takes 5 years for basketball prospects (I have no idea why), he played for four different schools, in three different states–all of this before graduating high school! What’s the point!? In his senior year, he led his team to “Prep National Finals” and was Second Team All-Conference. He was a bit of a scoring machine, from what I can gather.

He committed to play for Providence College, in his home-state of Rhode Island. But while he was there, he was deemed ineligible to play due to academic issues. He continued to go to school in hopes of playing in the second semester, but the NCAA wouldn’t bend the rules for him–I guess the NCAA only overlooks rules for players who will make them millions of dollars. Ugh, the NCAA…

In the ballsiest decision a freshman in college could make, Ricky declared for the 2013 NBA draft despite not playing for an entire year. His gamble played off as he was drafted 43rd overall by the Milwaukee Bucks. But of course his journey wasn’t that simple–you know, being the basketball nomad he is. His draft rights were traded to Philadelphia 76ers; then he was traded to the Dallas Mavericks; finally, during the season he was assigned the Mavs’ D-League team, the Texas Legends. So in less than a year, Ricky has been part of four professional basketball teams!

In his 6 games in the NBA, he has averages of 1.2 PPG, 0.3 RPG, and 0.2 APG. BUT, in his D-League stint, he’s averaging 14.5 PPG, 5.9 RPG, and 2.3 APG. Those aren’t bad for a 6’6″ wing player who hasn’t played basketball for an entire year.

What does social media tell us about Ricky?

Well, he seems to have trust issues (or friend issues).

But at least, a couple months later, he’s feeling a bit better!

Now after Christmas, Ricky seems to be back on the friends market! More like “Yes, New Friends“, am I right?

That’s pretty much Ricky all wrapped up into a single blog post! He’s a travelling baskteballer who played for four different high school teams, no university team, and was part of four professional basketball teams. He also had shady friends around the time he got paid, but seems to be in a better place.

Come back next week when I profile the 15th man for the Denver Nuggets! WOO, chicken nuggets!

Post Script: Here is Ricky’s high school mixtape, where he is compared to Kevin Durant. Hah, good luck!