Wu Tang Clan’s ASL translator at Bonaroo

If you ever questioned whether the Wu Tang Clan was the best thing ever, question no more. Not only are they the greatest rap group of all time (sorry, G-Unit), but also they bring an American Sign Language translator to all their concerts! That’s right, they understand how incredible they are and they want everyone to experience it!

They went to Bonaroo this past year and did all of 36 Chambers, which is one of my favourite albums of all time. Holy, I wish I was there. This only makes me yearn for the experience even more. Next time they’re in town, don’t you dare miss out, despite your impairments. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had described hearing for the blind: “several black men pace back in forth energetically. Still pacing. Throwing their hands in the air, like they just don’t care.”

TGIF, y’all!

After experiencing Friday, Rebecca Black discovers Saturday

SHE’S BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

When her first banger came out, I was in Beijing teaching a delightful group of grade three children. It was the highlight of my life. Everyday I was eating rice, talking to Chinese people, and trying to be a good teacher; it was like my life in Toronto, except I was in China.

My roommate was on Skype with his friend one night. By this time, it was many months into the journey and we had been effectively out of loop for some time. His friend asked if he has heard of “Rebecca Black”. He did not. He was encouraged to search her up, she had a song called “Friday”. He complied, went on the Chinese version of YouTube (http://www.youku.com/), found her song, and asked me to watch so I that may also bask in all its glory.

Ah, as my eyes first laid onto the the video it was a pleasure to the senses! Vocally, it was mediocre; visually, it was less-than-spectacular; but as a whole, it was perfect. The song quickly became our theme song. We were teachers, so of course we were looking forward to Fridays! We couldn’t wait for 7 AM to be fresh, go downstairs, and have cereal.

We sang the song–a group of young, obnoxious Canadians–merrily as we strode down the streets. We had ‘Open Mics’ where the song would be done acoustically. It became the theme song to our adventure, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

This past week, Rebecca picked up her computer and autotuned her way through another song. From out of nowhere, she cleverly called it “Saturday”. It’s not as good. It doesn’t ask the tough questions (which seat should I take?) nor does it tell us what comes afterwards (Sunday). But it’s a decent attempt. I just hope there is a group of young teachers in a foreign country who love this song as much as we loved her first artistic achievement.

Post Script: Just so you may reminisce of simpler times, here is the song that kicked off her journey into superstardom.

Fun. Fun. Fun.

Katy Perry covers Jay Z’s ‘Big Pimpin’, fails.

This is a fan video from Katy’s concert where she does a cover of Jay Z’s 1999 hit, Big Pimpin‘, featuring rap group UGK (Undergroud Kingz). For the sample–which includes a wind instrument–Katy decided to bamboozle the crowd and make it look like she knows how to play it!

First, it is ALWAYS awful when someone tries to cover rap songs. To cover a song, that is sung, is one thing: it shows off your voice and your ability to find the same range as some of the talented people on earth. But to cover a rap song, just shows you’re able to rote memorize words and say them quickly. The art of rap music is the ability to recite original poetry laid onto a rhythm. If you are not making your own rap song, DO NOT rap someone else’s song. It’s just not fun to listen to, and you’re just being a thief, so stop.

Well, finally the injustice of mediocre white girls covering famous rap songs hopefully has come to an end. All singers reading this, please do not cover rap songs anymore. Well, there may be a couple exceptions: either sing Drake songs (like Hold On We’re Coming Home) or make up your own versions of Drake songs (like JoJo’s Marvin’s Room).

Please singers, stop it. It’s not cute or funny because you’re not “thug”, it’s just the worst. Stop being the worst.

Post Script:  I know I forgot the bench profile today. That’ll be tomorrow. But to cleanse your eyes and ears, here’s the real song. Have a great Monday, y’all.

I hope you like asses and great music.

Diplo and Justin Bieber Attend Crazy After Party (not)

This is Diplo, famed DJ and music man, talking about his relationship with the 2011 NBA (celebrity) All Star MVP, Justin Bieber.

I like how he said Justin was self-aware. Yeah, that’s right: he said Justin was “[a]ware of oneself, including one’s traits, feelings, and behaviors,” according to the definition of “self-aware”. I’m not kidding; he actually said that.

bieber_in_a_stupid_hat

Here’s Justin Bieber being fully aware of himself at a Miami Heat game wearing a leather ensemble, complete with matching leather pants and leather shirt. Also, he is rocking a gold Jesus chain. Oh, and sunglasses inside: class all the way.

great wall biebs

Here he is being aware while lifted by two grown men at the Great Wall of China.

justin_bieber_peeing_in_bucket

And now this is Justin being aware while pissing into a mop bucket. I mean, you only urinate in a custodian’s equipment when you’re completely and utterly understanding of your circumstances and how it will all work out.

justin-bieber-tati-neves

Finally, this is little Bieber being completely aware of his surroundings while being videotaped by a Brazilian prostitute the morning after paying for sex.

The story from Diplo continues to talk about how the party was so crazy that Riff Raff–a white rapper of little to no importance–uses Bieber’s computer and breaks the screen. I know all the craziest parties I have ever gone to resorts to me finding the closest computer to get onto Reddit. Wild nights for Captain Overpants! Bieber, being the Canadian he is, does not get upset and even gives the perpetrator a gold Versace chain.

Moral of the story is, if you party with Bieber, break all his stuff. You’ll get free expensive jewellery for it. Then you can sell it to Peter Oliver, the Cashman, because he will buy your gold.

Post Script: For those who don’t know anything about really, really, really, bad rap music, this is Riff Raff.

I apologize for that.

Bonus Post: Mumford and Sons pair with Stringer Bell

I know I am late for this, but this is Mumford and Son’s video for Lover of the Light. It was directed by the impeccable Idris Elba (AKA Stringer Bell and John Luther, two of the most badass characters in television history).

I was never a big fan of Mumford and Sons, but after watching probably my favourite current actor star in and direct their music video, I am starting to change my tune (hah, music puns).

Simply for loosely including The Wire and Luther, I give it an 11 out of 7.