The ultimate Leonardo DiCarprio movie (trailer)

Some viral video group, Original Comedy, put together a bunch of clips from Leo movies for the trailer of the complete Leo movie. I’m gonna go through the entire plot, because unlike a good trailer, this one gives away the entire movie.

So he starts off as a kid in an abusive home, who finally decides to fight back–in the worst was possible. He sets fire to the home where his, assumed, abusive father lives. He admits to the crime and go to juvenile hall for a couple year. He gets out as a teenager and his mother is now Meryl Streep. Expect juvie to have tamed this wild beast? Think again.

He abandons his home, experiments with drugs, sex, and has time to work out on a basketball rim in the rain. Yupp, typical teenager. His teenage angst causes him to seek refuge in violence, as he shoots several bullets, even maiming a couple people. Does he go to jail? We don’t know, but we do know that five years later the story picks up again. So I guess jail is assumed. That means he’s gone to juvenile hall and jail all before growing a beard. Seems like his job prospects will be pretty slim right? We’ll see…

Exact opposite! Daniel Day-Lewis rewards his criminal past with an expensive “boat” ride–which is really a some sort of extravagant Disney Cruise Line trip, probably to the tropics or something. Well, at least karma catches up with him and the ship hits an iceberg. The ship capsizes and they are stranded on a tropical island… after hitting an iceberg. Yupp, no plot holes there.

His story becomes much more intense post-ship capsizing. He grows a beard again and uses guns and becomes wounded. It’s a good thing his teenage years taught him how to use the gun because otherwise we may have lost him in the second act! After getting back from the tropical island (probably after being a hero and saving the community), he catches up on lost time with more sex and alcohol.

Wait, even with his horrid past of criminal activity, he gets offered a job as a cop. Okay, but that’ll probably be his last job offer. I mean, he was convicted of arson with the intent to kill, then actually killed someone! No way he gets offered another respectable job. Okay, I was wrong: he becomes a doctor. He went to med school and everything after being a cop. This guy is starting to become unrealistic… A pilot too. He’s a cop, doctor, and pilot. He must be the most successful ex-con of all time.

Well, that’s very evident with his walk down the red carpet, extravagant cars, and exquisite swimming pool. But no way he piles another job on top of his already extensive work load. I mean his resume already looks really good. How many detective/doctor/pilots do you know? What’s next? A job on wall street!? Hah, yeah right!

… Absurd. More money, drugs, yachts, and women. This guy’s life is unbelievable, unrealistic, a fabrication of the mind! Oh wait…

TGIF, y’all!

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