Diplo and Justin Bieber Attend Crazy After Party (not)

This is Diplo, famed DJ and music man, talking about his relationship with the 2011 NBA (celebrity) All Star MVP, Justin Bieber.

I like how he said Justin was self-aware. Yeah, that’s right: he said Justin was “[a]ware of oneself, including one’s traits, feelings, and behaviors,” according to the definition of “self-aware”. I’m not kidding; he actually said that.


Here’s Justin Bieber being fully aware of himself at a Miami Heat game wearing a leather ensemble, complete with matching leather pants and leather shirt. Also, he is rocking a gold Jesus chain. Oh, and sunglasses inside: class all the way.

great wall biebs

Here he is being aware while lifted by two grown men at the Great Wall of China.


And now this is Justin being aware while pissing into a mop bucket. I mean, you only urinate in a custodian’s equipment when you’re completely and utterly understanding of your circumstances and how it will all work out.


Finally, this is little Bieber being completely aware of his surroundings while being videotaped by a Brazilian prostitute the morning after paying for sex.

The story from Diplo continues to talk about how the party was so crazy that Riff Raff–a white rapper of little to no importance–uses Bieber’s computer and breaks the screen. I know all the craziest parties I have ever gone to resorts to me finding the closest computer to get onto Reddit. Wild nights for Captain Overpants! Bieber, being the Canadian he is, does not get upset and even gives the perpetrator a gold Versace chain.

Moral of the story is, if you party with Bieber, break all his stuff. You’ll get free expensive jewellery for it. Then you can sell it to Peter Oliver, the Cashman, because he will buy your gold.

Post Script: For those who don’t know anything about really, really, really, bad rap music, this is Riff Raff.

I apologize for that.

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