Bench Profiles: The Charlotte Bobcats’ James Southerland

james southerland

As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However,  only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

I know, right? Aren’t you so excited to learn about the least known player in the NBA?

What’s James’ basketball story?

So he’s a 6’8″ forward who played really well in high school, and was the 87th ranked small forward from his high school year (I wonder if  the other 86 made the NBA as well; if not, then what the heck happened!?)

He went to Syracuse where he spent all four years. His trajectory is similar to you’d expect from a will-be-fringe-NBA-player: didn’t play a lot in his freshman year and got to play more and more, then became the team’s third leading scorer in his senior year. He finished college with averages of 7.9 PPG, 3.3 RPG, and 0.6 APG. Just meh, right?

DRAMA ALERT: In his senior year, while the university was under scrutiny by the NCAA for recruiting violations, James was suspended for both “improper benefits” and “academic issues”. Improper benefits means he accepted gifts from someone (or some store/organization) simply on the basis of being a student athlete. This is a stupid rule: only the NCAA and school may monetarily benefit from these students’ hard work. Ugh, don’t even get me started.

I have qualms with the academic issues. He was accused of having a tutor write a paper for him. You know those flyers around campus that says “WE’LL WRITE YOUR ESSAYS FOR YOU!”? Yeah, James pretty much used that. JUST WRITE IT YOURSELF! You know how hard it is to fail a paper? Ugh, don’t even get me started.

He was not drafted to the NBA. He has never played a minute in the NBA. I have never seen him or heard about him. He may not even be a real person, and the Charlotte Bobcats may be ‘catfishing’ us. Who knows? All I know is that according to Hoopshype, he’s making $490 180 this year on a non-guaranteed contract (meaning he can be cut at any time). Man, that’s so much money, and he can’t even write an essay. Ugh, don’t even get me started.

What does social media tell us about James?

Hm, gimme a couple minutes to find out.

Oh, this:

For those not well-versed in bad rap music, the 😠 represent “molly” or MDMA, and ❄️ represents “white” or cocaine. Sounds like a party is being thrown with that recently acquired $490 180. So apparently, not only is regular balling his hobby, but also big balling. Inferences, yo.

Also, he really loves Hannah Montana–or Miley, depending on who you ask.

So yeah, that’s all you need to know about the player who will make barely make any noise in the NBA for the foreseeable future. You’re welcome, world. Come back next week when I tackle the 15th man for the Brooklyn Nets–whom I forgot about because I’m still not used to two teams starting with a ‘B’. Give me a B for that (hah, awful jokes).

Post Script: Here is his college game mix tape to the lovely Niggas in Paris:

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