Bench Profiles: The Boston Celtics’ Phil Pressey


As some of us know, NBA teams have 15 players per roster. However, only about 7-10 get to play any given night. That means 8-5 players are on the team for practice purposes only and to get that NBA money–can’t hate on that. Anyway, be prepared to get to know these guys pretty well, one 15th man at a time.

So, for Boston, it was either Phil Pressey or Keith Bogans; I chose Phil, so deal with it.

What’s Phil’s basketball story?

Look at you, always asking good questions. Well, lemme let you know.

In high school he was really good–again, because most high school players suck compared to NBA players. But, he is quite diminutive by basketball standards (standing only about 5’10”, so what’s your excuse?). As a result, it is quite a big deal when he dunks, especially when he dunks ON guys, WHILE WEARING BRACES! That video made him a YouTube sensation in high school, making his college decision quite a big deal.

He chose to go to Missouri, where he played three years before declaring for the NBA draft. He made the All-SEC First Team in the 2012-2013 season, and he finished his college career the all-time leader for assists and steals at Missouri. Cool story, right?

He was drafted, uhm… He wasn’t drafted in the NBA draft. He was signed as a free agent after the draft by the Boston Celtics on July 22, 2013. He has only played 8 games (by the writing of this post), and holds career averages of 3.1 PPG, 1.3 RPG, and 1.9 APG; move aside Jared Cunningham, Phil is now the most accomplished NBA player profiled on this blog! Also, he’s averaging a whopping 13:38 minutes per game; meaning if I had any criteria for “15th man”, he probably wouldn’t make the list. BUT I make the list and I wanted to profile a 5’10” player who dunks on people while wearing braces. #DealWithIt.

What does social media tell us about Phil?

Well, first, he’s fan of obviousness and redundancy:

Feels good to feel good..

Also, after signing a contract for close to half a million a year, he celebrated with playing the most balling ass game ever! Also, I’d like to point out that someone’s role was “banker”. We all know that the “banker” was the guy, or girl, no one wanted to play but we let into the game because he felt bad, right? Sorry, dude.

Lastly, it was on April 19, 2013 when Phil finally found out what Sushi A said to Sushi B.

See what this sushi is taking about.

And so now you know everything about Phil Pressey that is worth knowing. So you may go and impress your many friends who care about this topic. You’re welcome. Come back next week when I tackle the 15th man of the Charlotte Bobcats! Try to contain your excitement. #Patients #Grammar

Post Script: Because I was late today, here are pictures of cats as sushi.

Post Post Script: Here’s a video of Phil being all point guardy in college. Hurrah for highlight packages.

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